I DONT FREAKING KNOW

 I don’t know if it’s her bipolar disorder,

Her depression,

Or if she’s just… lost.

But she’s upset with me again.

Not because I was being disrespectful.

Not because I was being difficult.

But because I said something—

Something to stop the bullying.

And somehow, that made me the problem.

Is it just me,

Or do some parents think they can walk all over you

Like you don’t know them?

Like you haven’t watched them

Heard their quiet thoughts

Seen through their actions?

Like you couldn't, if you really wanted,

Expose every flaw

Every mask

Every buried wish.

Sometimes I wonder…

Did they even want adopted kids?

Because if not,

Why not just keep the two you had?

I would’ve been fine.

Now, resentment flows through my veins.

But I know—

Guilt runs through yours.

How does it feel,

Knowing that after college,

I will never come back?

That I’ll vanish from your life,

Not out of spite,

But out of survival?

I spit in your mashed potatoes and gravy—

Because saying I spit on your grave feels like a curse.

Because saying I hate you

Or that I wouldn’t come to your funeral—

That feels too far.

Too final.

But honestly?

It crosses my mind.

And you know what?

It’s fine if you don’t show up to my funeral.

It’s fine if you miss my graduation.

It’s fine if you don’t look at me,

Don’t speak to me,

Don’t even say happy birthday.

Because I’ve put up with this for 15 years.

What’s one more?

But after that—

After I leave for college—

I’m done.

I’m never coming back.

I told people it was my sister who ran me out of this house.

But I lied.

It was all of you.

Every single one of you.

So to find peace—

Real peace—

I’m choosing isolation.

Not forever,

But long enough to heal.

Because I know my heart.

And as a parent,

You just weren’t a very good one.